i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
