He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
