I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
