i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Panties = found
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
