in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
