That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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