the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
