i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
