the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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