I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
