If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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