I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
