Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
