Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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