there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
