:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
