Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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