i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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