My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize