genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
