Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
