i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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