Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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