How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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