mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can i not drive my cunt home
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
