why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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