I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
