Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
