Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
