I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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