just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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