i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
