how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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