Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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