I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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