she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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