Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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