You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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