I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
