wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
