i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
