it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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