There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
