Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize