He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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