is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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