Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
