ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
