I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
