you guys were way drunker than both of me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
