I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
