i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
