I bet he comes in French.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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