You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
