i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
this is an emotional support booty call
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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