It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Are we still banned from the library?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
