its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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