all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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