I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
