i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
