Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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