At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
