Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
