I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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