He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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