Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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